As I sit in front of my monitor I look back on where I came from. My old work is just horrendous to look at... the past isn't a fun thing for me to reflect on.
That is especially the case now. My biggest support in my life is no longer there. I am without a girlfriend after 3 years of pure love and compassion. My first real relationship draws to a close. I can only look back on that with positive although extremely painful thoughts, unlike other past aspects of myself. While I will never know why she lost interest in loving me when we were passionate not so long ago, I will still love her as I have always. She's gone to college and I'm still in the confines of my high school, it only makes sense that she embrace her freedom while I huddle alone in the corner. It turns out that after so long we just weren't compatible.
Never have I experienced more pain in my life. I writhed and twitched, sobbed uncontrollably after the initial period of shock. I thought about her so often before we split that that effect still lingers. Each time I think of her I remember that it is no more and shed a tear.
The real question is what the future holds. I know I haven't made art for some time now. School has worn me down to the bone. I started feeling dead inside last week before we broke up. I have become woefully uninspired. My grades have suffered. Yet I am growing stronger, harder by each minute. At night I am most vulnerable to thought, and instead of creating work I have mourned. But I'll keep trying. I don't turn down a challenge, and I wont turn down life. Only God knows what the future has in store.
For now I need a break. Thank god Wasteland 2 just came out.